The End

2010 is about to close.. I can honestly say I am pretty stoked about that.. it has been an adventure for sure.. the highs and lows.. ups and downs..joy and sorrow..It started with a bang so I am hoping that it ends with one as well..

Last year I was enjoying NYE as the newly single woman, this year I am still enjoying the single status.. havent seemed to embrace the right person.. worthy of my time, energy, effort and love. Dont get me wrong.. I met a few nice guys.. but somewhere along the line.. the dreaded word was spoken.. and things suddenly change.. and we all know the word.. COMMITTMENT !
Maybe its just different because I went from married to dating.. who knows.. but at 30 I am not willing to waste too much time on all the wrong and unhealthy relationships.. otherwise I cvould have stayed married !
Change is approaching..2011 will be MUCH different. I am naming it and clamiming it.. I am ready for REAL happiness, and that is living for ME and MY children. I have set my goals for 2011 and ready to fulfill my accomplishments.. I am ready to do whats necessary to get the things out of life that I want.. For a long time, I have always been one to life the live other's envisioned for me.. well, I am done with that !

The last few months have been rough.. emotionally,mentally tiring.. somewhat exhausting. It was the first real Christmas as us 3. It was by far though a great Chrsitmas, we visited ( Tyler's ) family in PA and spend time with family here.. FAMILY is important ! Some great freiendships have come out of 2010.. some very hard to understand and explain, but there are those people who you just cant understand but yet it is so hard to let them walk out of your life.. I just have to believe that everything happens for a reason, even when we dont understand ! It has been a crazy year.. a divorce, turning 30, having a school age child,a move, work hours change, the ex getting engaged, but I have learned alot through each experience.. it either shook or shaped me.. but nothing will break me !

Andon and Torin are growing so quickly, time is flying by. Somedays I wish I could just stop the clock and enjoy one more moment of them being this age ! Somedays I simple want to be the mom that works part-time and gets more time with her kids.. Somedays I just want to scream and run away from motherhood because it overwhelms me after a long day of work.. but thank goodness for running and the gym, they are my Zoloft. I am blessed with these boys, they are my world. .. and one day it will all make sense to them.. just what life is all about... and the importance of priority vs options.

SO tomorrow starts a new year.. what are you looking forward to? I am looking forward to many NEW and EXCITING things, that will be VERY different from 2010. My kindness will not be mistaken for weakness. People will be rude,harsh and unkind.. but I will not allow that to be a part of my life anymore.. I want to surrounf myself with REAL people.. who have accepted me just as I am.. not trying to change me..

Fate decides who walks into our lives, we decide who shall stay or whom we allow to walk away.

Midnight waits..

The question is...

November 27.. the year is nearly over. Quite hard to imagine how fast it has flown by.. it has been quite a roller coaster ride for me.. phyiscally,mentally and more emotionally than i like to admit.. the newness, the changes, the decisions, the consequences.. wow ! I am believing that 2011 is MY year..eager to see how the New Year starts.. as last NYE was a one of a kind moment !

My baby boy is turning 2 in two weeks, seems like only yeasterday he was my little munchkin sitting in a high chair. He learned independence really well ! He is a strong-willed child to say the least. His words are becoming clearer.. MINE and NO seem to be an all time favorite. Andon is stoke for Christmas, all the gadgets and gizmos we see on tv ( late night infomercials are his favorite ).. This Christmas will be very different than the last, it will be the first year that it's just me and my boys..

I myself am trying to sort things out, figure out stuff and i find myself questioning so many times.. WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. A dear friend of mine is battling breast cancer AGAIN, this time it is much worse.. She is woman that would do ANYTHING for ANYONE.. she loves all people ! I myself am dealing with this whole thing called DATING ! I will be the first to say.. it SUCKS ! I am learning patience, not to settle too soon.. the "right" person does exist ( or so I have been told that he does ).. I have found a whole lot of MR.WRONGS ! The liars/cheaters/fear of commitment.. yep,met them already ! Time to just focus on me.. good things come to those who wait !

We have relocated ( again, for those of you who know how i like to move ! ). I think is the LAST move for quite a while..the boys and I are content where we are now.. daycare/school/family are all close by.. the mornings are less chaotic now ! School is going well for Andon. He has learned so much, earned a certificate for being VERY RESPECTFUL ! Torin loves daycare, and I see him learning so much too.. his new thing is Pee-Pee.. he is aware of peeing in his diaper.

Halloween has passed us by, we enjoyed the Funkstown Parade as IronMan and a giraffe. Thanksgiving has quickly come and gone.. We enjoyed the day with family and friends, lots of good food and fun ! I ran the HCC Turkey Trot, wasnt feeling to motivated when I looked out the window at the weather.. but I vowed I would go do it..just because..
Well, as we started I figured that if I am going to do it.. I should give it my all.. make the most of it.. push a little harder, break out of the comfort zone.. and I did just that. I ran my fastest 5k ever.. faster than my high school/college days.. faster than on an 85 degree day in June.. I hit my mile split at 7:30 and thought omg I better slow down.. but somehow I kept it up and finished in 23:45 ! I am very proud of that ! I am hoping to get back to training for a half/full marathon.. I want to RUN a marathon, not just complete one...

The last few months I have reconnected with friends I have not seen or talked to in 10+ years.. it is so crazy, thanks be to Facebook once again.. what did we do before Facebook and text messages.. I cant remember that far back, haha ! It is amazing how a simple text message can change my mood or attitude.. phone calls seem to be RARE these days.. :-)

At 30.. I keep finding more and more out about ME. I feel like I now need to put some things back in order and keep pushing onward.. I cant get too far looking behind me..I am thankful for all my friends and family, who have been there to help me through this year of CHANGE ! I am thankful, that at the end of the day.. no matter how good or bad it was, that i can come home to the sounds of Mama.. and a big hug and kiss ! These boys are MY life !

A Season of change..

Fall is here, the cool mornings and brisk evenings..the sound of Andon sneezing every morning..September has been a month of peaks and valleys, excitement and disappointment..
The boys and I ventured to PA to visit family and friends, they hadn't seen some of them in over a year ( thanks be the their dad).. We had a great Labor Day ! Cookouts, pool, sun, family and friends.. I hadn't seen my sister in a long time, so it was nice to see her face..

Andon survived the first month of school, he has adapted well to the change from daycare to school. In one month I have seen so much growth in progress in my BIG boy..his vocabulary is incredible, his writing of sentences..he makes me so proud.He enjoys riding the bus to school, playing with his friends and learning.. Andon has lost his first tooth, it fell out while at school. He was so excited to bring it home and have the tooth fairy visit..due to inflation she brought him $2.00

Torin is enjoying daycare, he is learning so much too.. Starting to talk more and more.. Sometimes he rambles on and on, as though he is telling a story. He is intrigued by stinkbugs, he picks them up then throws them. He is 100% boy..He is the complete opposite of Andon, from his looks to his personality..

All good things must come to an end..so I have been told.. well, that great relationship ( I thought) I had with B.. well, it was one big lie..i was hurt and disappointed, but I know what I will and will not accept.. and lying will never go over well with me.. Trust is the hardest thing to gain, and the easiest thing to lose.. He gave me all the answers and I needed/wanted to hear, he did everything-- too good to be true..in the midst of that negative and chaotic ordeal.. I made a GREAT new friend, we have alot in common and I am glad to have met her ( thank you facebook).. Some old friendships have been rekindled, some news ones are growing..

It has been a very challenging year.. I have had my fair share of disappointments, some days I am not sure how I go on.. but when there is no choice.. you do what is REQUIRED of you.. and that is to be a mom.. and in that I know I must take care of myself first, to better take care of my boys.. My running has slacked off, my motivation has dwindled..but slowly things are falling back into place..I have made some decisions, to relocate to be closer to daycare/school and work.. just moving to the other side of town ( I hate Robinwood Dr).. Andon is transferring schools, to make life simple..I have spent time refelcting on life.. and wow..all that I dealt with in years past makes me see things NOW in a whole new light..I feel as though I am discovering me..the greatest privledge in life is being who YOU are, not who someone else wants you to be.

I'm pondering some other changes..I'd like to return to school, but it seems impossible with 2 little ones.. but if I don't do it now, than when? I have a fear of failure, I never like to start something and then quit.. I am fundraising for the Susan G.Komen 3 day walk, its been stressful..the economy has effected us all in one way of another..I'm dreading the holiday season, as it will be very different this year..I'm frustrated and angry with Mr.W.. my boys deserve so much more.. and at times its difficult to fill both roles as the mom and dad..

I am hoping that 2011 is much better than 2010..this was a year of growth in many ways.. I have no regrets -- everything happens for a reason, even when we don't understand why-...Sometimes I think that picking up and relocating somewhere new to start fresh would be ideal, to get away from the known and explore the unknown..Change is inevitable, and as much as I hate it.. this time its necessary..

Winding down

Where has the summer gone, we are in the last days of August.. so hard to believe..
August has been another great month..the time had come for the boys to meet B, school started, we took a trip to Ocean City and we just spend simple,quality time together..

There comes a point in relationships when you simply know what you after, and you have to willing to take the risk and go for it.. Typically, I am no risk taker-- I like stability and comfort..
Well, last month we discussed the appropriate time for the boys to meet him! you have to know that the relationship is headed in the right direction before you allow your children to get involved, because the last thing they need is someone to walk away from them ( again )..so he met them and all went smoothly..the boys flocked to him like they had known him.. They then were able to enjoy some time with him on his territory.. and this was a very awesome evening.. He took the time to teach Andon to make homemade french fries, helped Andon cook dinner.. all these simple little things meant so much to Andon ( and myself).. and he still talks about this evening..seeing this all take place just melted my heart.. we then hung out and watched a movie, well they both decided to sit with him and enjoy ice cream.. Kids know a person's true character-- and they both adore B !

Weeks later and we are headed into the first day of school.. this was a huge milestone ! It seemed like yesterday that my baby boy was just going to a daycare center.. Kat drove 3 hours each way to see her grandson have his first day of school, this was such a surprise for Andon to have his grammy here to see him off to school.. So we all walk him to the bus stop ( Kat, my mom, myself and Torin)..Andon was so excited for school, "no more naps and no more Torin everyday at daycare".. so the bus comes and he gets on, turns and waves to me.. I then met him at school, assuming there would be some fear-- but he greeted me and told me I could go now. My baby boy was surely ready for real school. He enjoys riding the bus and making new friends, he also is learning so much.. Torin is adjusting to Andon not being at daycare, he cried the second day of school when Andon got on the bus..but soon enough they will both be riding the bus..

We took a mini-vacation to Ocean City.. two kids and Ocean City are lots of work.. Andon loved the ocean while Torin ran from the waves.. We enjoyed the boardwalk, chasing seagulls, eating popcorn and soaking up the sun. I do believe though that after the trips to NC, I dont see anymore vacations to Ocean City.. those days are over..

As for me, well I am about to have new work hours.. there are pros and cons to every situation.. I am just thankful to have such helpful family members ( John M.).. that can help me get through the mornings/evenings .. some mornings are tough..but I know that this too shall pass..

My life is complete.. I have all I want and need.. a great man that I love, wonderful children that remind me of how precious life truly is, wonderful friends and family..and so I take it day by day.. but I do know that life it isn't about being who everyone else wants you to be.. and that you can't allow the darkness of the past to out shine the brightness of the future..

I have accepted the past, all of it, I am respecting the present and anticipating the future..


"Believe in Your Heart You are Destined to do Great Things" ~Joe Paterno

Where has the summer gone...

It's the last week of July, summer is slipping away rather quickly. I must say this has been a very exciting month-- lots of new things, fun times,quality conversation and of course laughter..

The month started out with a vacation, first one without kids in 5 years...it was a glorious time. I spent time on the beach, taking in the sunshine and listening to the waves..thinking and reflecting on life..we enjoyed a BBQ with his friends, and some cornhole( aka bean bag toss )..I'm always game for some competition..

I had a great GNO with my girls..good talks, dancing,free shots.. and a terrible headache in the morning..oh and a few trips to Mr.Porcelain..needless to say I hadn't partied like that since back in the Burg.. at The Monkey Barrel...

I am so thankful for the friends and family ...they have been so wonderful..I have spent time with my boys.. library trips, park,car rides..these boys are my world..

The month is concluding better than it started.. another trip to the beach with my man ! We simply enjoyed the simple things..shopping, Golf, Beach, time spent together..
Golf is fascinating ! I use to think it was a boring sport, until he opened my eyes and put it into perspective ( thanks B ).. I am now able to appreciate it much more and am ready to tackle the challenge of learning to play.. so thankful to have an awesome Golf Instructor !!!
I drove a few balls while in NC, and went on my first ride along while he played.. I was intrigued..I see the driving range in my future this week, followed by some Putt-Putt with Andon..

The car ride home was the best 7 hours..a very meaningful and heartfelt conversation, a moment I will savor forever.. we discussed EVERYTHING.. I did a lot of talking.. and those of you who know me.. know how I think( sometimes out loud).. everything I had running through my mind came out and was openly discussed.. and the most important topic came with a big surprise.. and as I left him to drive home I couldn't help but cry tear of joys-- as I was sooooo happy and excited.. I felt as though my mind was finally free.. I no longer had to wonder, question or doubt.. the answer given was the best words I have heard... and so July ... I am so glad you happened the way you did..


“Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”


It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.”
Dale Carnegie


“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
~~Anthony de Mello

The sun is shining...

June is here.. the sun is shining, the days are warm, the evenings are long... and I am happy ! True happiness comes from within, not from material things, not from a man/woman, not from money, not from compliments.. but from deep within ! Life is too short, to be anything by happy !

May came and went with a bang..divorce finalized ( McCann is back ), half marathon completed, some fresh ink added to a tattoo, some new friends and memories made :) and of course the 30th celebration.. That was certainly one of the best birthdays ever ( well besides turning 21)... great times out with friends, a nice dinner, dancing and drinks..

June is here and just another busy month it is..Torin is now a year and a half,he's starting to talk more, pick on his brother, and of course take of his diaper..potty training might be around the corner. Torin is into Bob The Builder, so he has inherited all of Andon's toys. Andon is gearing up for school in the fall- hard to fathom that next year at this time he will be enjoying " summer vacation". Andon is growing into such a smart boy, the things he says are HILARIOUS.. He is going to play soccer in the fall ( HAYSL).. and then he wants to play basketball . Andon is getting more and more into video games and computer games..
These boys keep me busy.. our time together is often spent at the park, or home being goofy, Chik Fil A, and of course a daily trip to the Kids Zone at Gold's.. the gym is my drug, I'm addicted .. running keeps me sane.. working out keeps me motivated.. and strong..

I am prepping for my second year as a Relay For Life Captain, this is always a touching night.. the stories of survivors, the tears shed for those who lost the battle, and the honor for those still fighting.. we walk all night long.. dance alittle, cry alittle, eat, drink, chat, Zumba.. all for a GREAT cause..This month I set another goal to accomplish this year.. to RUN a MARATHON.. 26.2 miles.. yep, I am going to do it.. no task to great ! With proper training, I will finish.. I am actually looking forward to it.. these long Sunday runs have stirred up this desire so why put it off any longer..now it's nothing to go from 10 miles.. who would have thought ! The weekend after the marathon, I will be participating in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk in Washington, DC..this will be an incredible adventure with thousands of men and women joining the fight against breast cancer..

I figured 2010 is MY YEAR and so I am continuing this mission I am on to try NEW things..

SUSHI.. that's something NEW being suggested I try.. we shall see..
Ultra-running is another.. don't think this is the year for that.. or EVER
A mohawk or mullet.. blonde? red?

but who knows just what 2010 might bring.. we are half way through it and it's been awesome.. I've cried, laughed, screamed, yelled --- laughter truly is the best medicine, esp when it comes to 6 am chats... they have kept me going some mornings when everything else is chaos..I'm so thankful for Facebook and how it has reconnected me with some many people.. those I haven't seen in 15 years, those who are my facebook friends and offer encouragement along the way.. those near and dear to me, family I don't see often, friends I never had ( LOL), so many NEW things have come from Facebook, it's been amazing ...

and so I leave you with this...


“Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them.”
Orison Swett Marden


“Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can - there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.”
Sarah Caldwell

May..May..May...

Wow.. It's been a while since I have last written ( I forgot how to access my blog, lol).. and wow a lot has happened in the last few months..

May has been a fantastic month, and it's nearing to an end.. and end has come to many things this month.. And end to fear of ever running more than 3 miles, an end to a marriage, and end to my 20's...

On May 2, I conquered my first Half-Marathon. There were months of training, logging the miles, wondering if I could really run 13.1 miles.. and thanks to Casey and Kelli- we made it! I also had an awesome COACH.. thanks Jamie Dick was very encouraging, telling me how much to run and when...it was an awesome experience. We spent the night in Frederick the night before the race, had dinner ( carb loading and wine), then chilled at the hotel.. tried to sleep but I think we all tossed and turned..till 4 am when we were up and ready to go.. Race started at 6:30 am.. adrenaline was surging all around as we neared the Fairgrounds.. we looked at each other, what did we get ourselves into.. and in a short time we were finished.. I ran 2:12.. pretty proud considering my goal was to simply run the entire course and finish the race..

A few more weeks passed.. off to court we went.. everything went well, our divorce was granted. Another milestone, another memory.. We shared 8 years together.. have 2 awesome boys and our first priority is PARENTS, than to be friends. I am gratfeul that we have the relationship we do, even after this ordeal.. things couldn't be better...

Here I am 4 days shy of turning 30 ! WHOA ! I remember being 18 years old thinking that 30 was far off.. well here it is and I am ready to embrace it.. 30 is the new 20 ! A great weekend ahead with friends, family and fun.. I am thankful to have met new friends over the last few months, reconnected with old friends from high school and college, and for growing closer to the friends I have always had.. I LOVE YOU ALL !

My days of refelcting have taught me many things.. and here they are...


I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.


I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.


I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

Craziness...

February is here.. and has started with a bang...busy, busy, busy...
As the days go by, I see myself becoming more of my mother- my OCD has started to kick in, I need my routine.. I have to plan things out in advance..it's pure craziness these days..
As a co-captain for a Relay For Life team, I have to start our fundraising.. we have goals to reach- parties to have, things to sell, friends to make-- all with a common theme.. FIGHT THE FIGHT.. finding a cure for cancer..I am pondering the idea of doing the Susan G. Komen 3 day walk, I want to be involved in making a difference the best I know how..

The last few days my mind has been boggled, so much going on, so much I want to do and all I keep thinking is SACRIFICE.. make the SACRIFICE now and the rewards will be there later..

Andon is about to turn 5 in 3 weeks.. birthday party to plan, invites to send, cake to order...
Torin is into EVERYTHING..somedays I miss the baby days of sitting in one place and knowing he's safe..and honestly somedays I want nothing more than a night to myself to sleep...

I sometimes find myself trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together and trying to figure it all out.. at times I don't know if I should laugh or cry..but I know that I have the right attitude to face any obstacle.. Perserverance and Determination will get me far..

Then there are the wants.. I want alot of things for myself and my children..and I must realize it's going to take time to get them.. but human nature always wants the instant gratification..
On a good note.. the true training for the half-marathon is about to kick in.. part of me is scared and nervous, I question can I really run 13 miles? Am I setting myself up for failure?

I have started looking ahead to the summer..there will be many changes up and coming...but one things is for sure vacation-vacation-vacation ! Not sure where.. but I know there will be 2.. one with the boys and one with momma relaxing in the sun..and I can't wait..

These days I am thankful to be surrounded by great friends & family...

Life holds no promises to what will come our way. It makes no guarantee as to what we will have. It gives us time to make choices and take chances"

A New Year..

Well, here we are 3 weeks into the new year.. For me, there are so many "new " things in my life.. My baby boy is now a toddler, running all over the place.. My big boy is about to be school-age.. I often think, where did the time go.. seems like just yesterday I was carrying them in my belly..Andon is becoming such a bright little boy, his vocabulary and speech catches me off guard to often.. Torin, well he is my little bull- don't stop for anything..

life is great with 2 boys..

I have come to realize that the attitude in which we approach life with is what truly matters. It's been a roller coaster ride for the last 6 months, but FINALLY it has all come to make sense and we are ALL moving forward. The boys are my world and I have their best interest at heart.

This year started off amazing and I am believing that it will only continue to get better. To challenge myself, and come out of my comfort zone I have signed up to run a half-marathon. Those of you who know me, well I am a sprinter/hurdler by nature so 13 miles will be TOUGH.. but I know that whatever I set out to accomplish I can do. I am just beginning the training and come mid Feb the "real" training starts. I know that I have a strong support system of friends and family beside me rooting for me- encouraging me along the way.

The boys have had some changes too. The boys and I are back in Hagerstown living ! They are attending an in-home daycare, and both seem to enjoy it. Andon is starting recreational soccer ! Trying to channel their energy into meaningful activities. They go to the gym with me so they can run and play as well- exercising is a lifestyle, not a hobby. Andon starts school in the fall.

All I can say is that I am excited for all the "NEW YEAR " has to offer..